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Jalapeño Puddin
I ate jalapenos with my corn bread
just the other day.
I drank two cups of prune juice.
What more can I say?
Those peppers lay in my belly
in a fiery clump.
I was in fear of what would happen
when I took a dump.
The prunes made my tummy rumble
I had to let a fart.
The explosion from my rectum '
blew my pants apart.
As I sat upon the stool
one turd I did omit.
It felt like charcoal bricketts
from my bar barbeque pit.
Hot steam arose around me
as on the throne I sat.
It was the first time that ever happened,
when I took a crap.
I couldn't wipe with tissue
It kept going up in flames.
I grabbed a fire extinguisher
and took a careful aim.
I pulled the pin and squeezed the trigger
to put out the fiery blaze.
There I was with a sooty butt
in a smoke brown haze.
Fire damage was extensive
as the insurance company I called.
They said for such an incident
I wasn't covered at all.
The company made a statement.
when firey crap you're pushin.
'Never expect help from us.
Just get a whoopee cushion.'
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